I am so thrilled. Friday was a decent day for me. I got some delicious soups delivered by Jenn - yummy! My girlfriend Debbie came to visit. She and my husband made an amazing turkey dinner and I actually sat up with them for a while. Okay I did have a nap mid visit but hell that's what I'm meant to be doing right now. The only challenge I had on Friday was that my brain was still on Crystal Meth. I don't know quite how to describe it, I should ask my friend Toby to draw the image I have of it and post it here - I think then you could understand.
Now I've never done Crystal Meth or any weird drug but I can only imagine what it must do to your brain. Apparently the Chemo is melting my brain. It feels like the front of my brain is being twisted in a vice and I cannot see properly. My eyes feel all buggy and ache like mad. The back of my brain has this constant hum going on it in and the entire brain is pulsing and throbbing inside my skull. It's like a pump is pumping blood on full thrust up both sides of my neck into my brain and my brain is literally melting and freaking at the same time. Super Gross! It also brings on a 24/7 headache which is a pain - pun intended. Thank heaven for my girlfriend Lara who came by in a snap and gave me a 10 minute head massage. It felt amazing and also relieved a bit of the pressure.
Saturday was awesome, I got to have my children overnight for the first time since chemo. My ex and his partner have been so supportive and have been having the children full time to allow me to get better, so to have them yesterday was great. Although it did do me in. The first hour was super stressful as my son had shut down and was not communicating with me. Once we worked through all that, things were fantastic. The kids behaved, mostly and we had a lovely family dinner the four of us. Wade made a great meal, we sat and talked like we used to over the dinner table, then even had dessert as a family and watched a quirky comedy together. By the end of it all I was shattered 100% shattered and happy! I went to bed at nine while the rest of the family stayed up and in the middle of the night when I awoke I went into my children's rooms and watched them sleeping for a while. Children are so beautiful when they sleep. They don't argue, they don't talk back or give you looks like you're stupid. They are little angels and boy do I love my little angels. It amazes me that I gave birth to and raised such lovely kids. I am so blessed. They are both funny, kind and good hearted. Despite all the stress of parenting, sitting next to them last night all I felt was joy. Pure joy that these were my babies, these beautiful perfect beings that I created were going to live long and great lives. One day they are going to be adults and explore the world and do incredible things and I will be as proud as I am today. I'm their MOTHER and I adore them. They have helped make me who I am today and for that I am grateful (and have a few more grey hairs). Thanks my monkeys! Keep being Great Kids!
Okay....bone scan results.... here is the email thread between me and my Oncologist about my bone scan results.
Me: Hey Dr. S, do you have the results of my bone scan?
Dr. S: Michelle, the bone scan looks very good with the exception of a very subtle area near the left side of your temple. Is this where your headache pain is coming from? The physician reading the bone scan thought that it was likely nothing, but given your headaches a CT of the head may not be a bad idea. I can book this if you are agreeable.
Me: Hi Dr. S, that is not whre te pain is coming from. I guess let's get a CT Scan of my brain. As long as it doesn't kill/radiate my brain cells. How soon can we do it?
Dr. S: Next week easily, and I don't honestly think anything is there.....I mean anything bad :-)
So, as you can see....first it all looks good and second I have a great Oncologist with a great sense of humour! Helps in times like these.
So today is Sunday and after a good sleep last night I'm ready to have another good day. I am going to try to make it out to watch my son play ball for a while and my sister is coming up for a little visit.
I feel very loved and very blessed.
Happy Sunday everyone,