Yesterday was a very "large" day for me. So much so that I was completely drained last night and although I wanted to share my experiences I could barely keep my eyes open. So hopefully I haven't forgotten anything and can still share with passion the journey I went on.
I started the day by giving a presentation at my office on the costs of getting Cancer and why having CI is so important. I have been selling Critical Illness Insurance for two years now, and always spoke of the expenses one can occur and the loss of income that happens when one gets ill, however I had no idea of the impact until it happened to me. Knowing this I had asked senior management if I could come in and share my experiences with the team so they could inform their clients. We owe it to clients to let them know CI exists, especially clients who make a good living, they will be the hardest hit. Seeing my colleagues for the first time since being diagnosed was quite emotional. I shared my story, sparing them the gory details but imparting enough information for them to get a sense of how my life had changed. Thank you to everyone for being there, sorry for causing some of you tears. A special thank you to Richenda for the delicious cookies, half of which didn't make it home :-) . Also thank you for the truffles, Wade and I enjoyed a few last night - yes Wade came home from work. I was so thrilled to see him and so glad to be able to share the rest of my story from yesterday with him in person. So here it is first hand.
Langley, I think, that's a long way to go for a healing session. I wonder what it will be like. I love horses so I am excited, I hope I won't be disappointed. Sitting in traffic on Hwy 1 listening to Goyte "Somebody that I used to know", brings back memories of sitting by the pool on The Pacific Jewel on our way to the South Pacific this past February. I was well then! I was happy then! Oh what an amazing holiday we had. Come on Michelle, back to the present. Everything is going to be okay.
It is a long drive to the barn but eventually I pull up to the gates 30 minutes early. I enter the code and drive through to the barn itself. Hmmm no one here, oh well I'll sit and relax for a few minutes. It is peaceful here, the horses are watching me, vaguely interested. Up ahead I see a door for what looks like a little office, perhaps I'll go and wait in there. Upon entering I see a registration/waiver form waiting on a chair so I sit down to fill it out. The room is small and inviting, there are couches and chairs, an easel with a large notepad on it filled with notes from a past session. I know they hold group meetings here and I'm glad it's only me. I don't know what exactly I am in for, however I do know I would not wish to do this in a group setting.
Eventually Linda arrives, Linda-Ann is a Master Coach and Intuitive Healer. Her sessions involve the use of horses in healing, I wonder if this will actually help me? Am I going to get anything out of this? Linda looks normal, thank goodness. I'm glad she's not all dressed in hippie gowns redolent of patchouli. We begin talking, she is concise, calm and intelligent, I like her but how am I going to tell her what is going on with me. "Tell me a little bit about why you are here?" she asks. I fidget in my chair, "um, because well, I recently got diagnosed with Cancer and I'm not sure how to accept it" I say, tears streaming down my face. "I mean, I know I have it, but it's just not quite settled in me yet, I feel blocked, there is something I need to release and I don't know what it is". Damn it Michelle, you're sounding like a weirdo now. "Okay" Linda says, "how do you feel?" Breathing in deeply I give this some thought, "I feel sad, angry, you know, I have young children and a husband I promised I would grow old with and well, I feel like I'm not going to be able to do all this, I just feel like there is something stuck inside me. Sorry, sorry for crying like this, I just want to get it all out and heal". "How is your family handling your illness" Linda asks? "My husband is amazing, he takes care of me and he's gentle and loving and so supportive and my daughter is great. She is kind and spends time with me, she doesn't like my bald head, but she's getting used to it, it's my son, you see he doesn't want to be with me, he is embarrassed by me. I ask him to spend the night here and he won't. It makes me sad, sorry," sob, "I know he loves me, he just can't handle it."
"Tell me about you being Type A" Linda says, "you mentioned in the beginning that you were very Type A". "Oh," I say, "well there was the time in 2007 that we went to Disneyworld as a family and I scheduled all the rides etc. in my blackberry so we could maximize our time and my husband was concerned that if something went wrong I'd be upset, and something did go wrong, both the kids got very ill, but I didn't get upset, I adapted and we made other plans". "You're not Type A" she said, "you have good fire energy, but not too much fire energy because you were okay when things didn't work out. Too much fire energy is not healthy, yours seems well balanced".
Linda takes a moment and breathes. "I am getting a message that you need to forgive". Oh right I remember, Linda is a channeller, she gets messages and passes them on, but forgive? "Forgive whom I say?" "I don't know" she says, "maybe someone you know, maybe forgive yourself, it's not clear I'm just getting a very strong message that you need to forgive someone". "Okay". "Are you ready to meet the horses" Linda asks. "Yes, yes I'm ready, but please stay close to me as I may be a little nervous".
|Rio sensing my nervousness|
We walk out to the coral, "I'm a little scared Linda, but I'll try to hide it". "No" she says, "don't hide your feelings from the horses, come as you are, let them know you as you are". Walking into the coral I feel the energy of the strong beasts. They look at me, a stranger in their midst, please be nice I'm thinking, no kicking or biting please. "We will meet each horse individually" Linda says. The first of six horses approaches me and I take some time to get to know her, she is big, dark and has hairy feet. I feel nervous but eventually touch her and spend a few minutes getting to know her. Then she slowly walks off and we approach the next horse. This continues until I've met all but the "dominant horse", who stays in a different section of the coral. Suddenly I notice all the horses but the dominant one are around me, not too close for me to be scared, but they are standing around me watching me. "I'd like you to breathe deeply a few times" Linda says, "one of the horses will choose to be your healer". "Alright I say" without a clue as to what that means. I breathe deeply a few times and relax and then sure as God made little apples, a horse starts walking towards me.
Oh my, what am I supposed to do? I stand still and this horse walks right up to me and with his nose starts rubbing my right breast all over. What the heck, how does he know? He's rubbing and rubbing, ever so gently for a horse, but firmly to me. All over my right breast and nuzzling under my right armpit where there is cancer in my lymph nodes and along my right ribcage where the cancer has spread. I can't believe this. Tears are streaming down my face I am sobbing and sobbing and he keeps doing this, healing me. I can feel it, and he (Rio is his name) isn't stopping, maybe Rio knows when it's done? I don't know but this feels unbelievable. Now he lifts his head and looks at me but does not move. "Would you like to do some mutual healing" Linda asks. "Yes" I say, so she shows me how to put one hand on his heart and one hand up on his spine. I lean into Rio and we hug together, our energies passing through each other. I can feel his heart beat, I am breathing his breath, we are one. My body is strengthening as his energy passes through me, I feel calm, my breast has softened and I feel it's part of us both, not an alien enemy on my body.
Rio and I stand together like this for what feels like an eternity, then just a quickly as it began, I feel the flow stop, we are finished, I step back and look at him, in awe. What just happened, this is one of the most powerful things I have every experienced.
My tears have stopped and I feel as light as air, something has changed, something has lifted from me. "How do you feel" asks Linda. "Amazing, I can't believe that just happened, how did he know?" As we walk back into the little office Linda says she has something to tell me about Rio. "He has Cancer" she says. "Oh, is that why he was the one who chose me" I ask. "Maybe". Linda has me pull a card from a deck of cards (the exact meaning I cannot remember so if anyone has "The Way of the Horse Cards" I need to see what card #21 with the owl and the horse means), I pulled a card which had an owl and a horse on it, it said I need to slow down and be more vulnerable????
We finish up the session and I ask if I can come again. This was mind blowing and I will never forget it. I begin the long drive home a different person than the one who arrived there two hours earlier. I am physically and emotionally drained but it feels good. By the time I get home I can barely keep my eyes open and it's only 5:30. I know this experience has changed something for me and drawn something out of me, I cannot quite put my finger on it, however I am grateful. Grateful for Rio, grateful for finding this retreat and for allowing myself to drive out there and do it. If anyone would like to try this for themselves (and I know one lovely women who would get a lot out of this right now), here is the link to Linda's Website again. http://www.unbridlingyourbrilliance.com/
Two more healthy, happy days until my next chemo session so I'm going to get off my computer and enjoy them.