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Thursday, 21 June 2012

Kicking the Shit out of me.


Wow is this chemo brutal.  I had no idea it got worse and worse in the days following the dose.  One would think the worst part of chemo is the actual day when you are sitting there "getting the drug".  That my friends is a breeze compared to what happens in the days that follow.  I remember when I went into the chemo ward and saw everyone getting their meds how terrified I was and how surprized I was that they were all sitting there so calmly.  Now I know why.  The effects take a few days to hit you and they are brutal.  An irritating although completely minor side affect is that I am having difficulty typing.  It is very hard to move my fingers over the keys and they keep getting jammed up - almost like I have arthritis or some type of motor-neuron disorder.  It's frustrating because this is my main way of communicating these days, but nothing compared to what happened over the last 2 days.  
On Tuesday I was sick as a dog all day and ended up in the hospital on an IV for fluids, then they gave me anti-nausea meds and after a few hours sent me home with two more drugs to take.  It's insane, I have gone from taking only Advil to now having a drug closet like Keith Richards - I don't know how people keep track of all their meds.  Yesterday however was worse.  I took my nausea pills at midnight and 6AM, woke up feeling great, had a shower, actually answered a couple of work emails and within 30 minutes I crashed, and I mean crashed HARD!   I couldn't breathe, my head was spinning, I honestly thought I was going to die - it's the closest to death I have ever felt and it was completely terrifying.  Thank goodness Mary and Wade were here, Mary helped by putting ice on the back of my neck and Wade went through the arduous task of calling 911 from a voice over IP line.  Folks, if you have a telephone line that goes through your Internet, do not use it to call 911.  Use your cell phone!  He said it went through umteen different countries and languages before he could speak to someone and request an ambulance.  All the while I was slumped over terrified that I was going to stop breathing before they could get here.  I just knew, I needed oxygen and I needed it now!  The firemen were first on the scene and of course who's there but this cute, tall, dark paramedic who I had last seen a few months ago before my diagnosis when he had sold 50/50 tickets at a fundraiser.  Embarrassing or what!  That night I, along with 70 or so other crazy screaming women, was all dolled up and pretty with my long hair and jewels.  Today I was in my sweats, barely breathing, looking a complete wreck.  Oh how fickle we women are, still worried how we look when we're deathly ill.  Things weren't good with me though, my Oxygen/sat levels were only 75%, they couldn't get a pulse and I kept asking them "please don't let me die".  Once I was stabalized they took me to the hospital, on the way one of the EMT's spoke to me about chemo.  I guess he's taken a few people to the hospital from the affects of chemo.  He said it's basically killing me as well as the cancer, um yeah!  I feel that!  He said it's going to get worse each time, really I need to know this right now, and that if I'm lucky I'll be able to come through it at the other end without cancer.  Great!  I don't think I want to go back for another chemo treatment EVER if it gets worse or even if it doesn't get worse, if this is what I go through in the days following chemo I don't know if I can do it again.  It's bloody terrifying, and what if they didn't get here fast enough?  What if I had passed out and stopped breathing?  What will happen next time?  I think if I'm going to get chemo, then keep me in the hospital for the 7 days following so you can make sure I don't die.
Bleep Bleep, that's all folks, time for me to rest, I'm getting my stitches from my biopsy out today (a week too late - thanks Doc Q for not booking appt) so need to be full strength to handle that.
Michelle

2 comments:

Michelle Pammenter Young said...

June 22, 2012 | Jean Goldie copied from previous blog page:

So sorry that you are going through all of this, it sounds horrendous, but you are an amazing woman, you can do it. I wish I was there to help in some way.Thinking of you, lots of love xxx

Michelle Pammenter Young said...

June 22, 2012 | Anka copied from previous blog page:

That is a really shitty day :(

Let me know how it is going for Tuesday and what I can do to help. If you are up for company that night for the jewels :)

A few months ago I posted this book to our book club, but we couldn't read it because it was not yet released. This woman has it on audio, as well as tons of blogs and youtube presentations. She is something pretty special. Not sure if you will like it or not - I will leave it to you to decide.

Book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Dying-To-Be-Me-Journey/dp/1401937519

http://anitamoorjani.com/

Lots of love,

Anka

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