Feeling so Sad.

I'm pretty sure it's a combination of the chemicals I have just had injected into me, the pain killers and the personal stress that I am under that is contributing to my overall sense of sadness and loss.

Wade is playing some beautiful music downstairs on his guitar and it makes me sad when I hear it because I realize that two very special people in my life will never hear music again.  They will never wake up to see a sunrise again or smell the fresh morning air.  Seeing the waves washing agains the shore in Davis Bay on Tuesday tore my heart out.

M and I used to walk the pier there and go for dinner at Sirens.  Now she will never be able to do that again.  I cannot believe that in two short months God has chosen to take away two of my family members, this is so unfair, I was not ready for this.  I know it's selfish, but I needed M to help me get well and hold my hand through chemo, radiation and surgery.  I feel terrible that her last memories of me were when I was sick and bald.  I didn't want her to leave worried about me, I wanted to be healthy.  I can't believe I'll never see either of them again.

In sadness
M.